Appearance&Reality

She sits there crying

longing to be accepted.

They have placed thoughts

in her mind that are artificial.

Ideas that dressing her up,

ideas that starve her, all because

 they think they know best.

Some do not see the hurt they are causing.

“It’s what everyone does” that is repeated.

Will she ever know the truth?

The fact that all she needs to be is herself

not what others tell her is appealing.

 She will always struggle to conform

No one will ever be happy with just her.

I wrote this poem a while back when we were working in our poetry group projects. The group I was in focused on appearance and reality.

            Looking back into my childhood I began to recall the way I felt when I did not fit into the norms way of doing things. I would go as far to say that still today as adults many people struggle to conform to societies standards.

In this poem I feel like yes, I am only covering the physical apperience of individuals but looks are everything now in today’s world. As each person grows and matures they are given ideas that persuade them to make life decisions. Ideas for teenage girls include the “perfect weight”. The definition of “perfect weight”, judged by fellow peers, begins to invade many girls’ decisions and results in actions being taken, such as anorexia and bulimia.

Human beings sometimes do not notice the impact words leave on the people they are speaking into. In the end the only way to be happy is to be totally you. Humans will always strive to be better than they think they are and will continue to conform to society. Because of that fact we will not ever been satisfied. We must find comfort in ourselves and in Christ who has made us beautiful in his eyes.

Isn’t there another way?

Look, I understand that we need to survive but isn’t there another way? I have carried her for nine months; she is a part of me. The pain I have to endure physically and emotionally is too much to ask of from any individual. No one person should have to deal with the issue of birth and death, all within the same time and event. She will be our food to survive just like the others, you three tell me, but all I can think about is why not find another way?

I have always wanted to be a mother. Never have I thought that this would be the extent of it, conceiving, developing, and giving birth to what you guys see as only food. I see more potential in her then just a source of rations. I’ve dreamt of the days I would have my very own daughter. I wanted to teach her how to be educated, cook, clean, work in the world, and raise children of her own. Now all I can do is sit and be used for the only thing important in this world right now.

I know this is what we have agreed too but time has crept up on me and I want out. If I fight or deny I know that I will only be killed and what good would that be in protecting my daughter. We have eaten many other people and I am sure that you three would not think twice of doing the same with my body.

This devastation of the world has really brought out the worst in us all. You men were once lawyers, sophisticated gentle men. Now you are savages, killing and eating everything you can get your hands on, coming up with ideas to breed babies to eat.

I hate this all. It is my body; I should have a choice in this matter. I am scared. God, save my baby.

Punctuation.

          As I began reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy I became very bored with the story right off the bat. I could not understand why McCarthy would leave out important formatting things such as apostrophes and quotation marks. The book seemed to pick up some as I read but it was hard to follow because there are no chapters so when the weather or setting changes it is difficult to notice which caused me to have to go back and reread some of the pages so I would not be so lost.

          I went to class and still sat quite in my dislike for this book. We began to discuss The Road and a group of students got up in class and began to answer questions our teacher has assigned. As we started looking over and answering the questions I started to see the reasons for McCarthy’s format. When the class came to the question “Why do you think McCarthy leaves out apostrophes and quotation marks? What is the effect upon the reader?” I was intrigued to see what the group had to say. One of the group members stepped up and said that what they believed McCarthy’s reason for doing this was to give the reader an idea and sense of confusion and feeling lost. Without punctuation road signs we are unable to know exactly what is going on and what the characters are feeling. If there are no forms of punctuation we cannot see the pauses, the sadness in a voice or anything, we are lost. This just hit me and I began to think “WOW!” I have never seen punctuation viewed that way before and when he said that I was blown away to see that McCarthy did just that, the reader was able to relate to the characters.

          I can say that I will never look at punctuation the same way ever again. I think that we lose that aspect or importance of grammar and punctuation at times and take it for granted. This book has taken on a whole new look to me. As I began to read part two of The Road I began to look deeper in the book for more meaning and symbolism. Never again will I take advantage of punctuation.

Peace Like a River- Annotation

          As I began to read Peace Like a River by Leif Enger, I noticed several different motifs throughout the story. In many instances water is mentioned, not only in liquid form but in gas and solid forms as well. Breathing, dreams, and miracles are also a few motifs that Enger uses to convey meaning in his story. What I would like to focus on is the motif that I feel is overlooked. There is a strong bird motif in this story and I believe they represent much, even help the reader understand the story to the fullest.

          Throughout this book Enger use a particular species of bird, the crow. The moment that struck me the most in the book was, when the crow is spotted in the middle of the highway. Swede sees something in the middle of the road and asks Jeremiah, her father, what is ahead. Jeremiah replies saying, “Can’t tell” (Enger, 133) in turn Swede continues to gaze farther down the road. Jeremiah, Swede, and Reuben begin to think that the object in the middle of the road is just a bag of trash, but as they approach the object closer they notice that it is a dead crow. The importance in all of this is the description and characteristic of the crow. The narrator describes the crow, “struck by a car it lay all mashed to the road but for one free wing, which rose and fell by the gusts…a dead crow lying in the road out in the heart of no place, and just before we reached it the wind brought up that wing again so it looked like a thing asking for mercy” (Enger, 133). The way Enger described such a simple detail in the story gives the reader reason or idea to look more into why this road kill was described so well and with so much detail.

          Reading this book I could not help but reflect back to this page in understanding the rest of the story. I feel that Enger’s description of the crow is foreshadowing future events that happen in the book. The narrator, Reuben, goes on informing the reader what dad says about the dead crow, “All the years I spent in North Dakota, that’s the first crow I ever saw hit on the road…they’re awfully smart birds, they get out of the way” (Enger,133). After reading the whole novel I can now see that this alluded to much later in the story. The crow is a type of bird and birds symbolize freedom.

          I took this idea of freedom a little further and began to see Davy as a free bird. When Davy’s dad says that crows are awfully smart birds and that they usually get out of the way, it began to make me question. Davy is a smart young man but did he make a wrong decision by shooting those two boys? Did he not get away this time morally like the crow did not get away from being hit by a car? The interesting thing is that the crow, dead, looked to have been reaching up into the heavens with its wing lifted asking for mercy. One wrong move and the crow was dead, he suffered the consequences of a wrong action, mercy was not given to him. Davy made a wrong move. Davy plotted and killed two boys. Davy has broken out of jail and is on the run. He must suffer the consequences of a wrong action and mercy will not be given to him.

          Later in the story we come to learn that Davy is never caught and continues to live his life running and hiding from the law. The consequence he faces is shame and guilt. His consequences are lack of freedom to live a normal life. That crow symbolized Davy and the fact that one wrong move can make or break us.


                                             Works Cited
Enger, Lief. Peace Like a River. New York : Grove Press, 2001.

What If That Was Me?

          As I read Peace Like A River I continue to place myself in each situation. When I place myself as a father like Jeremiah, or even a mother, brother, or sister I recognize that I would have a very hard time dealing with a child or sibling of mine plotting and killing two boys and then escaping out of jail. I believe that it would be very difficult to hope for the best. The amazing thing in the book is that the Land family is standing behind Davy in the choices he is making and even following after him to be together once more. I sometimes wonder how Jeremiah feels when he sits at night trying to fall asleep. Does he wonder if he has failed as a father? I feel that as a parent, having your child locked away can be very hard to deal with and I would even start to blame myself. As a sibling I would wonder if I would follow in his footsteps. I believe that being a part of that family would be difficult. The Land family is faced with poverty, living in a single parent home, bullied by people in the town, and now living on the road trying to stay dry, warm, and fed. In our culture today I feel like everyone sees themselves as individual, individuals each within a family that do things that benefit and only help themselves. We see that in this book the Land family does exactly the opposite of our culture, They stick together as a family even if it endangers the whole. I hope to one day do the right things for my family even in great trials.

Love.

In the book Peace Like A River, there are many times that the characters in the book are challenged with issues that many people would all have a difficult time overcoming.

The reader see that the main character Reuben’s brother, Davy makes a decision that caused his entire family to deal with the consequences of his actions.

Now what is most puzzling in this novel is the way the towns people treat the Land family and how the Land family reacts. Jeremiah is the father of Reuben and is a janitor. Davy is a teenage boy and brother to Reuben, and Swede is the youngest daughter of Jeremiah Land and the little sister of Davy and Reuben.

Many unfortunate things happened to this family and through all of it Jeremiah Land; the father, head of the family, and spiritual leader of the family, showed Christ love through their circumstances. At one point in the book there were bullies bothering the Land family who actually abducted Swede and hurt her in ways the book leaves up to the reader decide. Through all of that Jeremiah did not retaliate.

The two bullies, Finch and Basca, went into the Land house one night with intentions to hurt the family. Davy not quite following in his father’s footsteps and killed them out of self defense that he felt was justified by what had happened earlier to Swede. The reader can begin to see the town start turning on the Land family and still Jeremiah does not give place to all of the ridicule.

At one point in the book, Jeremiah Land was fired from his janitorial job in front of many students. Jeremiah’s reaction to being let go was laying his hands on his boss, Mr. Holgren, which resulting in the healing his bosses face from the sickness that was apparent.

 I think that sometimes Christians think that because they are such that people should treat them different or even that they are better than others. Reading the way Jeremiah Land handled that situation gave me inspiration to love my enemies despite how they have wronged me. This should echo to the students at Southeastern University. If all people were all to act loving towards their enemies they would all be better people, more Christ-like. Real Christ love is about loving a person despite what they have done to you or whether they deserve it or not.

Suicide Letter

To anyone who cares,

I do not need your tears, your sorrow, your regret, or your pity. The point of this letter is to explain. Explain how I feel, explain how I do not feel, and explain why I made this decision. There is no point to life anymore in my eyes. I have been responsible for so much and I am tired of being the one to hold everything together. Life was once fun. I was in love, twice. I spent my days and nights with my children. I do not know what happened but I do not enjoy living life anymore. My children have grown and my husband’s have left me and abused me. I sit looking outside of my window on the 13^th floor of this building and think of how I do not even need to question the bad luck associated with the numbered floor I am living it. I look out and see other mothers where I am; tired, sick, feeling abandoned, ready to jump. So here I hang each and every day, trying to go through with it, trying to let go of the ledge. I see Lake Michigan from afar and see all of the tall glass houses. Are these people happy? I want to be them, I want not to struggle. I want happiness without working. I love my children; Carlos, Margaret, and Jimmy very much. Mom and dad, please take good care of them. Let them know each day that I loved them, that I did not do this because I did not want them but because I needed happiness and it was my only escape. Teach them to be smart, hard workers, and loving. Carlos and Jimmy, love your wife, treat her right and give her everything she deserves. Be hard workers, the world owes you nothing, work for what you want and need. Margaret, you are beautiful. Never let a man define you. When he raises a fist, leave him. Be the best mother and wife you possibly can. Do not let anyone tell you that you are not good enough for anything. Mom and dad, thank you. Thank you for raising me and now my children. I love you all. See you in the next life.

The Woman Hanging From the 13^th Floor Window